"There's a bit of magic in everything, and some loss to even things out." -Lou Reed

Sunday, June 19, 2011

This Day


For years,
I stood in front of
racks of paper sentiments-
trying to make them ring true;
trying to find you and me.

I read each word
hoping somehow
this day would change everything-
I would wake to find
wise words, devotion…love.
 

I waited
Year after year…
 
buying gifts with all my hope

all my heart, and the last of my worth—
Costing me everything.
 

I sealed my heart
in each envelope
along with a card I didn’t believe...

someone else’s words
that I knew you wouldn’t even read.
 

The waiting
took its toll.
I lost myself more
and more of myself
each moment, each year, on this day.


So this year
On this day
I won’t stand in front of
an array of meaningless cards
and someone else’s prose.


I will stand
on my own
waiting for nothing from you
as I finally know--
you aren’t there.


You are
like this day-
just another Sunday
in a sea of Sundays
made special in name only.
 

My waiting
has been my burden.

Not yours, just mine.
And I let go, finally...

On this day.


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5 comments:

Jewels June 20, 2011 at 7:01 AM  

This is beautiful, painful and heartbreaking, but beautiful. Congrats for standing on your own and taking back the power to let him hurt you. Thank you for sharing this.

msprimadonna67 June 20, 2011 at 9:19 AM  

Just beautiful. Good for you.

Eva Gallant June 20, 2011 at 10:57 AM  

sad, but expressed in such a lovely way!

Michelle June 21, 2011 at 8:48 AM  

im sorry you didnt have the kind of man every lil girl deserves as a father growing up... im sorry you dont have him now.

im glad though, that you were able to realize that letting go of all the bad memories of all that this day encompasses... means your freedom.

CityGirl July 11, 2011 at 2:32 PM  

i once read, 'no matter what your relationship to your parents, you'll miss them when they are gone from your life.'
having just celebrated my first father's day without my dad after his death, i now understand what i read...
good luck. one day it will be just another sunday. and you'll ache just the same...

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