"There's a bit of magic in everything, and some loss to even things out." -Lou Reed

Sunday, July 26, 2009

The Suitcase


Everyone experiences heartbreak. I can't say mine is worse or less painful than any other, I only know how it affects me. And last year, I experienced the worst heartbreak of my life. To make a long, complicated story as short as possible: I fell in love with a man I had known for two years, a dear friend, who lived and worked in San Francisco. We had talked and written and become so close during that two years that being together felt more like the next step than a risky venture. We met in person, were mad for each other from moment one, and after a few months, we decided I would move to San Francisco. We looked at places to live, made plans for a life together, and were both giddy at the thoughts of it all. And then, in the most cruel way imaginable, I found out he had been living with another woman the entire time we made all these plans, the entire time we had written to each other as friends, the entire time we were seeing each other.

After I found out, he abruptly cut off all communication with me, became someone I instantly did not know, and never, ever showed a flicker of remorse or sorrow. I fell apart in ways I am embarrassed to think of now. I completely lost my footing and my confidence.

A great deal of my sorrow was just over the fact that one person could do such a thing to another. Especially to someone who had shown them only kindness and love. And WHY? Why had he drawn me into his life, made these plans, while LIVING with someone? How could I be so stupid? What signs had I missed? Why would someone treat me this way?

I needed answers, and never got them. I wanted to understand how this could happen, but there was no explanation.

For almost a year now, I have felt like someone had pushed me off of a cliff, and I was continuously falling, falling...dreading the impact at the bottom, but never hitting it. Just staying in this never ending, horrible free fall, waiting for it to be over.

When I came home from that trip, my last trip to see him, I put my suitcase in my extra bedroom and ignored it. I felt that if I opened it, the pain would be too much to bear. Seeing the things I had packed for what I thought would be a wonderful, special trip. The things I bought while I was there, before it all came apart. I couldn't bear it. And day after day, I let the suitcase sit there, haunting me.

I replaced all the toiletries, my curling iron, and an electric toothbrush just so I wouldn't have to open it. Weeks went by and then months, until I was in another season, and didn't miss or need anything inside it.

And then, a few weeks ago, I moved to a new apartment. As I carried random boxes, lamps and other items out of the spare bedroom, the suitcase stood in the corner. I realized it had been almost a year since I left it in that same spot, in that same position. My heart hurt remembering how it felt coming home that night.

I looked at this bag, and thought of just adding it to the trash pile outside. But I remembered a few things inside it that I had loved. The French shoes I had bought in San Francisco that made me feel as though I was walking on cobblestones instead of concrete. The little black and white dress that made me feel beautiful, even sexy? The journal that I had kept for years before meeting him, knowing him. I took the handle in my hand and loaded the suitcase in the back of my car.

A few nights later, I finally screwed up my courage and opened it. The first thing that greeted me was the scent of the perfume I had worn, that I loved, but hadn't worn since then. I was determined not to cry, but it happened before I could think. I wept. For a moment, I thought again of just closing it and trashing everything. But I made myself keep going. I found the French shoes, the little black and white dress, my favorite bathing suit, my journal, jewelry I adore that I had almost forgotten about, clothing I feel my best in, and some writing I had done-some short stories- that are some of my most excellent pieces. I sat there with these things all around me, still in tears.

And slowly, I began to replace the things from the suitcase in my life. I wore the shoes to work, brought the perfume out of hibernation, and washed all the clothes and returned them to my closet. My necklaces, bracelets and rings returned to my mirrored jewelry box, and the writing to my desk with my other work. I performed the suitcase cleaning ritual I used to do after my business trips, vacuuming the whole suitcase, spritzing some Febreeze and returning it to my closet.

I was fine with the contents out, but the suitcase itself bothered me. I couldn't look at it without thinking of the pain of that last trip, the pain that took me a year to open. So, I tossed the suitcase in the back of my car, figuring I would happen upon a dumpster while I was out.

And then, while driving around for work, in a shopping center where I was visiting a potential client, I saw two women behind a table with containers and stacks of odd items surrounding them. A sign read DONATIONS, and listed the name of a women's shelter. I returned to my car and pulled out the suitcase and quietly added it to the stacks of donations. As I walked away, I thought of some woman, starting her life over, exiting from pain, heading somewhere new and safe. I thought of her packing things in this suitcase, beginning anew-- associating this suitcase with happiness. At least that's what I hope. It seemed to clear my head and my heart.

I also know that during the time I was in love with him, before the heartbreak, that I felt more beautiful, more amazing, more everything than I had felt in a long time. And the betrayal took that away from me for awhile. During the last year, and especially in the last six months, I have realized that I was not stupid or blind, and I was not part of the betrayal. All of the things I felt --love, excitement, happiness--were all true and real. So the way I felt because of those things- beautiful, worthy, confident--had to be true, too. The only part of the equation that was false was him. I have finally separated myself out of it all, forgiven myself, stopped punishing myself, although it seemed to take forever to get to this point.

And it's funny, I think in a way that the suitcase in my house, however hidden, was almost like he was still around. Breaking it open, taking the parts that were the best of myself out of it, and then doing something positive with it freed me. Maybe it sounds dramatic, maybe no one can understand, but it makes perfect sense to me. And it's been almost a year since I could say that about anything.

Artwork by Paul Compton, for this and more of his work, click here.

222 comments:

Cheri Pryor July 26, 2009 at 10:23 PM  

So beautiful, Kim....and seriously? This could be the last part of some book you write on the whole experience. Closure.

((hugs))

lydia eve July 27, 2009 at 9:06 AM  

girl, YES!!! i think closure gets such a bad rap sometimes, but it is ESSENTIAL, at least for some of us. I AM SO PROUD OF YOU!!!!

The Fragrant Muse July 28, 2009 at 10:34 AM  

Congratulations on BoN! I haven't care much for the last few that Blogger has awarded, but your is one I will follow for sure!

Judearoo July 28, 2009 at 10:41 AM  

Well done for reclaiming pieces of your past. You've already had your trust taken away, dont allow this experience to take other good things too. :)

~**Dawn**~ July 28, 2009 at 10:43 AM  

If you change the details, I have been in your shoes, not once, but twice. Left standing there, blindsided & wondering how... why... This was wonderfully written.

Found your blog through Blog of Note! I was one myself earlier this year!

Anonymous,  July 28, 2009 at 10:47 AM  

This is wonderful I couldn't stop reading. You have a gift of writing and I know I have felt this way before. Why and how did this all happen and would I have been so blind

AlpHa Buttonpusher July 28, 2009 at 10:47 AM  

Congrats On BON, love your bear puppy :)

Melissa Blake July 28, 2009 at 11:10 AM  

Congrats on being a Blog of Note! xoxox

Samantha July 28, 2009 at 11:12 AM  

Thank you so much for sharing your story. It takes alot of courage to open things from our past even if they were, and still are wonderful. Your story has been encouraging for me!

Daisy July 28, 2009 at 11:17 AM  

He must have been a real Bad person to do something so cruel like that. I'm glad you are feeling better now.

Lilian Moreira εϊз July 28, 2009 at 11:20 AM  

Kim, I loved your blog. You write with your soul, that's beautiful. I will follow you from now on. Take care!

Shana July 28, 2009 at 11:24 AM  

CONGRATS, BLOGGER OF THE DAY!

Dimple July 28, 2009 at 11:32 AM  

Wonderful story, and better because it is true. In one way or another, it is everyone's story. Trust. Betrayal. Then, blessedly, healing and growth. Congratulations on living life, and learning from it.

I found you through BoN, and will follow your tale.

domminic July 28, 2009 at 11:34 AM  

Wonderful blog, i can see that you've put in a lot of effort
Keep it up!
=)

and congrats for being a Blog of Note!

Anna July 28, 2009 at 11:45 AM  

this reminded me a lot of myself... & it is beautifully sincere.

i admire that, so very much.

xo-

christine clark July 28, 2009 at 11:55 AM  

aw! thank goodness you're not the one living with him while he has these love affairs with other women. at least you're free! by the way, nice blog. i love the set up.

AcerJay July 28, 2009 at 12:01 PM  

I love your blog! It's very well set up, and beautifully presented. I just started my 1st blog. It's interesting work, but I think I'm starting to get the hang of it. How on earth did you get the webcam in there?
Like you I am also an aspiring writer. I have one brief piece of poetry on my blog. Wanna check it out and leave a comment?

http://acerjay-bigblogger.blogspot.com

Beth July 28, 2009 at 12:06 PM  

We've all been there, I think that is the point. That's why we all understand it so well. Beautifully written and amazingly easy to identify with...

Good luck with continuing to know that it was not a reflection on you but in fact on him, because that is the most important thing
Beth

Crazy People I've Worked With July 28, 2009 at 12:07 PM  

That story was heart wrenching, but I am glad you are on your way to recovery. I'm sure someone, somewhere is so glad to be able to have that suitcase.

kasscho July 28, 2009 at 12:08 PM  

Your lost love was a narcissist. Nothing has helped me more than learning about this disorder. If you haven't researched it, on the web and you are still suffering - look into it. Stay away from Sam Vaknin's stuff - he's still a narcissist. Love your honesty and all your photos.

KyonSOS July 28, 2009 at 12:17 PM  

Timing is medicine health heartbreak.When long time you see his something it just prick your heart and to be funny story.

Blake July 28, 2009 at 12:18 PM  

Congrats on BON. I cant ever imagine feeling that way and I hope I never do. Glad you found the closure you need.

blake-sitstill.blogspot.com

wwwkwata.blogspot.com July 28, 2009 at 12:21 PM  

personalising your blog makes it an excellent read, i will be here again.I just wish i had the courage and umphhh to make my blog more self anectodal.this sounds genuine, and keep it up

Escapist July 28, 2009 at 12:30 PM  

Hiya !
1) youe note is quite getting type into the mind,
2) To b blogger of day !




jollliiieeessss:-)

Wenny July 28, 2009 at 12:33 PM  

Congrats to you on being conferred the 'Blog of Note'.

This post is so beautifully written and so daringly open. Though I may not share the same predicament, I do share the same level of hurt caused by someone I so trusted. The fact that I still stay married to him makes it all the more difficult to overcome the pain. But I did with a medley of anger, self-pity, sadness, tantrums and flashbacks.

They said time heals, only to be true but not without our own determination to move on. In reference to Eckhart Tolle's book 'The Power of Now', live in NOW and do not allow the evil of the past to destroy the present. Revel in the present and a beautiful future is just up ahead.

Another congrats goes out to you, for surviving this unfortunate betrayal triumphantly. Keep your head high coz the best is waiting for you.

amuse me July 28, 2009 at 12:44 PM  

What a beautiful cleansing ritual. I am so glad I had the opportunity to read this article -- all because you are the Blog of Note today! :) M

Angelina July 28, 2009 at 1:02 PM  

I see why you are BON, wonderfully written blog.

Interesting how we allow others to be our happiness. I believe it is because we have so much invested in the relationship. Particularly the hopes for the future, and when those expectation are not met we feel let down and disappointed. I think it is the lost of the future dreams with someone we trusted which makes this so tragic. And even though it is not our fault we question our own sanity and judgment when our only shortcoming was not seeing the other person more clearly.

However, you did an amazing job of moving forward, and you are a much stronger person for the experience.

Juliana July 28, 2009 at 1:03 PM  

Wow, this story is really amazing. And I feel you sister. Went through the worst break up of my life this year and I think the second last paragraph made me finally cry...thanks for sharing your story. You are amazing, you are brave and I'm sure you are wonderful. If you are happen to be in Cape Town, give me a shout, I'm sure we'll can have a long chat over coffee.

Melissa,  July 28, 2009 at 1:05 PM  

Good for you!! Way to go :) And I just looked at your dog pictures, so so sweet!!

http://everydaylifewithmj.blogspot.com/

Sorsi July 28, 2009 at 1:31 PM  

This is beautiful! A friend sent me the link because she knew I needed something like this. I'm going through the same thing now but not yet at the point where I've gotten over it. I'm happy for you that you are now finally REALLY moving on.

Great blog=)

Dawn Farias July 28, 2009 at 1:43 PM  

Oh wow. I can't imagine such heartbreak and betrayal. I'm always amazed and humbled when people share such parts of their lives. You have a fabulous blog. (Got here from Blogs of Note...)

Robert Egby July 28, 2009 at 1:47 PM  

Soneone suggested using "The Suitcase" as the end of a story, a novel, but perhaps you might consier using it at the start. It's an eye-opener, you hurting is intense, and we readers feel that. Everyone who reads it probably wants you to achieve, secure a learning story which is satsifying, pleasurable. Maybe the story hasn't happened yet. Perhaps you need to leave "The Suitcase" on a shelf and live the rest of your story, your novel, your bio. Excellent story, great writing, Kim. Blessings, Robert Egby

JC July 28, 2009 at 1:48 PM  

You my dear are a survivor of the heart ...

Anonymous,  July 28, 2009 at 1:54 PM  

go to HEAVENTRUTH.ORG

Jonathan July 28, 2009 at 2:10 PM  

like your blog

-jon

lifeofakidnamedjon.blogspot.com

Mr.man July 28, 2009 at 2:14 PM  

love your blog! check mine out

http://theeverythingblog1.blogspot.com/

Noelle July 28, 2009 at 2:29 PM  

This post is very beautiful. Your writing is amazing.

Anonymous,  July 28, 2009 at 2:29 PM  

I wish a had a suitcase to throw away...

knitwit July 28, 2009 at 2:32 PM  

You touched on something really key. When this kind of thing happens to us, we make ourselves a part of it--as if we are somehow to blame--when really a person only cheats because he is a cheater, and was one long before we were ever even in the picture. Thanks for sharing.

kelly July 28, 2009 at 2:34 PM  

found you through Blogs of Note. You are a very talented writer, I love how you put your feelings out there for the world to see... Kim, everyone discards their garbage in different ways.. and that is exactly what he was garbage. Kudos to you for getting your life back on track...I am hoping to read more of your entries..
Kelly~

Nikki July 28, 2009 at 2:44 PM  

I am glad you opened the suitcase and let the whole thing out of your system!

You are a strong and a beautiful woman...and he will just rot! Blah. Nice write.

Take care!

Pat July 28, 2009 at 3:01 PM  

What a heartfelt story! Very well written - I felt your pain from the beginning, and your healing at the end. Congratulations on being the blog of note!

Kim July 28, 2009 at 3:11 PM  

I hardly know what to say! Thank you to everyone who has commented here with such kind words, honest admissions, and beautiful compliments. I have never felt more inspired than in this moment. I can't wait to check out all these blogs--what a great support system we all are for each other. Thank you again!
Kim

rememberingdecemberdays15 July 28, 2009 at 3:39 PM  

That was so amazing to read. I've been going through a similar kind of pain. The falling and falling, never knowing if you're gonna be able to get back up. Mine isn't with some guy that I wish wasn't such a jerk, it's actually because of my parents. They're divorcing and it's one of those things that makes me question life and love every day. Your words are very inspiring and so I'm hopeful that sooner or later, I'll be able to clean out my clean out my preverbial suitcase and move on. Thank you so much for your inspirational words. I can't wait to read more of what you have to say.

Saranya S July 28, 2009 at 3:48 PM  

Congrats on BON first.
Beautiful and sincere writing. Glad and proud that you are out of it and I admire at your strong-mind. Keep goin :)

Mimi July 28, 2009 at 3:53 PM  

It doesn't sound dramatic, and I understand.Well done for being so brave. It's hard, but sometimes loving means losing, and losing means pain. We all get it at some time in our loves- it's inescapable.
You've turned a corner by giving away that suitcase, and exchanged bad for good.
Here's to lots of good times for you from now on.

Anonymous,  July 28, 2009 at 3:56 PM  

I identified with so many things you said here, especially about not being able to wear that certain perfume...
May God's blessings be yours.

Momma Buddha July 28, 2009 at 3:56 PM  

I fell upon your blog by mere coincidence... and I can honestly say that I can relate 100%. In 1997, I met this guy. We fell in love. We were together for 2 or 3 months when he left for military boot camp. I went to his graduation, and at the ceremony, he proposed. I had fallen so hard for this guy, that I didn't even think twice about it. This was in October of that year. When he came home at Christmas vacation, not 2 months later, things were different, but he insisted that he loved me, etc. I saw him off the day he went back to where he was doing his training, watched him leave on the bus. The next day, I knew something was really wrong, so I called his roomate. I asked him to tell me what was going on, and he told me a truth that hurt like the hurt you experienced: from the week he had proposed to me, he was living with another woman. The week after he left after Christmas, he married her. I was still, at that time, wearing the engagement ring as I had not spoken to him yet to return it, nor to confirm anything until this truth came out. So I can truly sympathize and it IS hard to move on from that. But life always works itself out, and I'm glad your suitcase may have found the happiness that one day your heart will face again. trust me.

The Fragrant Muse July 28, 2009 at 4:24 PM  

I finally read this entire post. I stopped halfway through several time because it reminded me of my own similar story. I love how you processed the suitcase bit by bit, healing your broken heart all along the way. This is an exquisite piece of writing.

Anonymous,  July 28, 2009 at 4:26 PM  

Hi. You don't know me, and probably never will, but I just want to let you know that you're incredibly strong to ba able to do that and the jerk who did that to you doen't deserve you! I'll bet he ends up having a bad life, while you find your true love and have a happy life with him!

caroldiane July 28, 2009 at 4:29 PM  

just discovered your blog (thank you Blogs of Note) - and commend you on your writing so artfully from your heart - thank you!

ZEDO PAUL July 28, 2009 at 4:30 PM  

yes heart breaks and it pains a lot
but once you fall you rise again
and then if u fall u have to rise again. Read about how i was in love
and what happened in my love life
www.zedopaul.blogspot.com

arielsmiles July 28, 2009 at 4:47 PM  

I agree with Caroldiane, you express yourself very well! It's only fitting that you were mentioned as a blog of note :)
Congratulations <3

Guzma July 28, 2009 at 4:52 PM  

Your story made me cry... Because I lived this (or near this). She came to live with me, from Russia... We passed 6 months together. The best months of my life. We had to apart for a wrong decision that I took. A decision which I'm regret for long 5 years... I still love her, with all of me. I think she's the same, but we have another lives now... Well... I still have some "suitcases" from her with me.

Ladies of Leisure July 28, 2009 at 4:59 PM  

I clicked this link by accident. Thank you for writing that; because I can relate in so many ways. People hurt from heartach all the time but when you lay it out like the way you did it only made me smile. I too have gone and am going through something like it and it's comforting to know theres someone out there thinking and doing the samething. wishing you all the best.
s

jenX July 28, 2009 at 5:00 PM  

i've been following blog of note for a year. you're my favorite pick yet. this piece is so beautiful and honest but not in that awful raw way. Congratulations. You deserve this wonderful thing that happened to you today. Blessings. jen

Ramblings on - A blog by Nikki July 28, 2009 at 5:50 PM  

Kim, this was so beautifully written, and heartbreaking, too. The image of that donated suitcase finally setting you free is so powerful. Congrats on your closure!

Anonymous,  July 28, 2009 at 5:55 PM  

Please visit and comment blogmewebsite.weebly.com. Its not as good as your blog, but has some info on what's been going on.
Thanks!

A July 28, 2009 at 6:11 PM  

Thank you for sharing this. I'm going through something very similar right now and there is no feeling like heartache. I'm glad to hear that you've purged him from your life and you post has given me hope that I'll be able to put this all behind me soon too. Thanks!

Olive Green July 28, 2009 at 6:17 PM  

What a beautiful story! It's sad that so many of us--maybe all of us--go through these horrible experiences of heartbreak and betrayal. I love your insight that your emotions were real, even if the jerk you were seeing was phony. I wish you all the happiness you deserve.

Entrepreneur Chick July 28, 2009 at 6:36 PM  

I was hoping as you were describing seeing someone in the parking lot- that it was HIM and then you hit him in the head with the suitcase! Alas. I'm a drama queen.

He's a sociopath, straight up.

Sociopath Atribute # Who Can Tell?

Pathological Lying
Has no problem lying coolly and easily and it is almost impossible for them to be truthful on a consistent basis. Can create, and get caught up in, a complex belief about their own powers and abilities. Extremely convincing and even able to pass lie detector tests.

I'm very glad you learned to take the good about you, while detatching from the very, very bad- about him.

May be cliche; but, YOU GO, GIRL!

Indian July 28, 2009 at 6:41 PM  

need to learn story telling from you, great story and even great blog. Congrats On BON...

Rafa! July 28, 2009 at 7:07 PM  

I LOVE your style of writing. I'm more into analyzing literature, as opposed to the writing of it, and this would be an awesome piece to sit down and analyze! Definitely following you!

S. Chaffee July 28, 2009 at 7:25 PM  

What a wonderful story! I'm sorry that such a dramatic event occured to you but I'm so proud of the way you handled it.
I love how you took the best of you out of the equation of him. I love how you had the courage to share such a story with so many others.
Someone out there is dealing with this very issue right now and because you shared how you picked yourself back up that person is going to be able to do the same thing.
You're a hero just for sharing a piece of your life. I admire that and am now your newest follower. ;o)

Aaron July 28, 2009 at 7:28 PM  

Wow, this is a good story, if a true story, I'm sorry for what happened and am glad you are doing better now.

40iam July 28, 2009 at 7:34 PM  

Hi Kim,
Thanks for sharing your story. I can fully relate to it as I was in a similar situation. Self-doubt becomes strong as well as self-punishment once you have been betrayed. Bringing closer to it takes time and the year that it took was well worth it I'm sure. I always have this thought: if you can find good in a bad situation it wasn't so bad then. In this case the good was the suitcase being donated for another woman to start her life over. Good job! Stay strong and know that better days will come.

Preeti July 28, 2009 at 7:37 PM  

Hi Kim,
Firstly compliments on your beautiful blog, the art work is amazing! Thank you for sharing your story...it's a new beginning..

Zed! July 28, 2009 at 7:55 PM  

Closure is always good, but not always welcomed. It means reopening the wound and that is a very dreadful thought, to experience the pain a second time. I'm happy you came full circle. God bless.

india July 28, 2009 at 7:56 PM  

someone told me once about the making of a sword...it goes through fire, beating, folding, reheating until finally it is revealed as a beautiful and strong object...

and whatever happens i try to be grateful that the journey isn't dull.

dancer853 July 28, 2009 at 9:40 PM  

that was such a beautiful story!!! im so sorry about what happened that guy is a jerk and doesnt deserve somebody as wonderful as you! im so glad that you were able to overcome your sorrow and keep writing cuz ur pretty damn good at it :)

Eva Gallant July 28, 2009 at 9:44 PM  

That was such a moving story! And so well-written!

Hope you visit my blog.

Megan Elizabeth July 28, 2009 at 9:51 PM  

Kim,
I am in awe by what I just read for so many reasons! First, I am envious by how great and powerful your writing is. I majored in English years ago and have always dreamed of doing something with my writing. Second, this amazing piece about your experience with a liar, your journey through heartache and coming full-circle is a gem. I can identify with this story in so many ways - the similarities are striking! Thank you for sharing such an intimate and real portion of your life with us. :) Megan in MN

Channing-Celeste July 28, 2009 at 9:55 PM  

How empowering to read! I also have been in that situation and I must say it took me almost three years to learn to trust again and maybe allow a man into my life. I found the right one. He is truly my soul mate and we are extremely happy. Congratulations on "moving forward"

ashleigh_raven_28 July 28, 2009 at 9:55 PM  

wow... im happy i read this. its good to read about other people's harships you have had your trust taken away and i know how that is its good to reclaim pieces from your past i love this blog :))

Jen July 28, 2009 at 10:11 PM  

This story is so poetic... what a great read.

Jaclyn July 28, 2009 at 10:16 PM  

WOW, i'm going through a breakup right now. That was so powerful. Keep in touch girl. I really like your thoughts. And keep writing, you're awesome :)

xoxo-
jackie

nick July 28, 2009 at 10:17 PM  

http://myxproxy.info/ is the webs best proxy out there!!

Lisa Olko July 28, 2009 at 10:43 PM  

Wow...thank you so much for writing and for sharing your precious and very valuable, very beautiful self!!!

SA D. July 28, 2009 at 10:58 PM  

Man, what a sad story. It's amazing how cruel people can be at times. I've been through something similar. Very difficult times. Here's a poem I wrote a long time ago that you might be able to relate to.

http://lazyphotog.wordpress.com/creative-writing/the-wee-hours/

Best wishes.

Emma Blue July 28, 2009 at 11:13 PM  

Your blog is all too familliar. I have had a similar experience recently. And for a while I felt like the biggest naive loser the world ever saw. But like you I have come to realize that he is the loser for hurting me and causing me pain. It was hard for a while to drive around town and see places where we had met and spend time together, but every day and week that goes by makes it a little easier. I am so happy that you unpacked your suitcase and you recovered all of the things that you loved that made you feel beautiful and confident. That was a great beginning to recovering yourself and leaving him behind. Kudos!

nikgee July 28, 2009 at 11:14 PM  

Reading your post made me realize we each must bare our burdens by choice in our actions or our choices of inaction.

There is a verse in a song by a band called Stykes, slightly paraphrased, even if you do not chose , you still have made a choice.

You know I don't think we can ever avoid love pain totally. Love always forces us or me at least into naive choices. I do think we can control the intensity and duration of said pain...Thanks for sharing your story. It reminded me that I'm not the only one that goes through stuff ...esp. concerning the affairs of the heart....nick

I'm Kim, by the way July 28, 2009 at 11:30 PM  

What a thoughtful, beautiful, honest post. I'm just getting acquainted to your site thanks to ... Blog of Note! Congratulations!

Moonshadow July 28, 2009 at 11:49 PM  

Blog of Note brought me here, too. Keep writing, you do a wonderful job presenting your story. I was happy to read that the suitcase went to a good cause rather than the landfill.

Maria July 29, 2009 at 12:26 AM  

I'm 35 and I thought I was the biggest/highest bitchy/hustler ever to cross a guy's path. WRONG!!! just when u thing u know everything about guys and their brain/genitalia is when a real male hustler arrive in your life under a lamb's coat. The sweetest words, the most amazing kisses, unbelievable sex, all those things that will make u his toy, 'till he get enough toying you around. I, too, needed to let it out! thanks for giving me a chance in your blog.

Princess Superstar July 29, 2009 at 12:27 AM  

i have only recently started a blog about my stuggle with depression and coping with my break up a year and a half ago. i've been trolling through blogs to find something i could relate to, and then i found yours through blogs of note. i can't even begin to tell you how much i understand every single word you wrote and every emotion you went through. i won't ramble on much longer... thank you so much for your story.

I.M. Toofy July 29, 2009 at 12:28 AM  

Found your blog via Blog of Note and am I glad I clicked on it. I went through a very similar situation last year and what you wrote here put into words that I could not. I especially liked the part about how you describe how you felt when you were in love with him and that the betrayal took that away for awhile. thank you for writing this and sharing it.

Emmy July 29, 2009 at 12:30 AM  

Wow this was so beautifully written. Good for you. Good for you for letting go and for beginning to heal.

Thank you for sharing.

Cherie July 29, 2009 at 12:34 AM  

Wonderfully written, and I'm so glad for you!

Interesting...how opening something brought closure.

Very good indeed!

Jana July 29, 2009 at 1:50 AM  

my, aren't you a beautiful soul. those blog of note guys know their stuff. You are an amazing writer. I love that the ending to your suitcase tragedy could be symbalic of a new beginning for someone else. Great tie in and wonderful words, thanks for sharing!

Maggie May July 29, 2009 at 3:35 AM  

Hi writer, I'm a novelist and poet and blogger-lover and this was wonderful. Honest. Searching for the x. The thing. And I love the ending. Because youlearned what I did (differently) and what I hope my daughter will know. Great to find and follow you.

happy July 29, 2009 at 3:46 AM  

very nicely put. i almost felt the hurt and pain there.

Anonymous,  July 29, 2009 at 3:53 AM  

Wow, I love the way you have written this piece. It caught my interest from the first senetence to the last. I love the ending, where you finally realized that there is nothing wrong with you. But that there was something definitely wrong with that guy.

Anonymous,  July 29, 2009 at 3:55 AM  

In your own words...

"I have tried to keep the darkness I am experiencing right now from becoming too raw and broken [...] It is difficult, as the times I write most freely about anything are ironically the times when I am struggling. I think it is my way of coping, some way of letting the pain find a window to escape through."

Thank you for writing this exceptional, universal, honest, healing post!

supernana July 29, 2009 at 5:14 AM  

Wow. I love your blog and identify more than I would like to admit.

shobana s. July 29, 2009 at 5:26 AM  

Funny that I randomly decided to click on today's 'Blog of Note'. I've only just had a similar experience and can totally relate to this post. Knowing what you've been through and how you're slowly healing inspires me :)

KARAN BAGGA,  July 29, 2009 at 6:32 AM  

ITS SERIOUSLY.. ENGRIPPING .. I MEAN I COULD RELATE A LOT OF THINGS WITH U AS EVEN I HAVE GONE THRU A SIMILIAR PHASE AS U HAVE DESCRIBED IN UR BLOG..
I M EXPECTING SOME MORE BRILLIANT CONTENT TO LOOK FORWARD TO..
WITH MY BEST WISHES FOR UR FUTURE.. I TAKE A LEAVE.

Anubhav Saini July 29, 2009 at 7:14 AM  

HEY I read(3rd form) your blog. I want to become a writer. I have very high imaginative skills(that's what I think). I need you to read me once and tell me what you feel... Please

Lilithas July 29, 2009 at 7:51 AM  

For what it's worth, I didn't think the suitcase thing was stupid at all. It made perfect sense.

GWThink.blogspot.com,  July 29, 2009 at 8:13 AM  

O.K.,I have been writing for myself for years and a friend introducted me to blogspot this week, so I started my blog on monday gwthink.blogspot.com. My first choice was "Thinking Out Loud", it has been what I've secretly written under for years...I stumbled on blog of the day and checked you out...WOW...I love the site, I loved the write and I have found a benchmark for quality in your presentation and committment. I hope to become a friend.

michael July 29, 2009 at 8:15 AM  

You're story is quite similar to mine. Though there may be difference with the situation, it's the love for someone that is showing.

Goodluck kim!

Roya July 29, 2009 at 8:39 AM  

So beautifully written! Have you ever heard of www.bloglovin.com ? If you're a member in there it would be much easier for me to follow your blog updates.

I'm a fan already!

Tender Branson July 29, 2009 at 9:27 AM  

I'm glad you were able to rid yourself of the suitcase and move on. One of my friends is having problems with ridding herself of unnecessary items that she has kept around after her husband died. Different situation but similar thought process.

Kylie July 29, 2009 at 10:05 AM  

What a story! :) I got chills reading it.

Jason July 29, 2009 at 10:46 AM  

It was amazing, the way you told the story....And i thank you for having the courage to take about such a thing to everone in general. It helped me, and i'm sure it'll help others as well

orio July 29, 2009 at 11:00 AM  

Hey, I think you're really strong for going through that. Like everyone before me said, this was beautifully written. All the best as you move on.

gegeh July 29, 2009 at 11:07 AM  

halo! kim... I just can't help myself from thinking that people may have the same experiences from different places-of different time-in different ways ....hmmmm ...

Deb's Creative Art July 29, 2009 at 11:09 AM  

beautiufl story, and one felt by many. giving away the suitcase was a great idea. the end to your story and the start of one for someone new.

by the way, beautiful pictures on your blog.

good luck... have a happy day!
deb

Skodaman July 29, 2009 at 12:09 PM  

I think the fact that you are finally able to share this story means you are finally free. You have my very best wishes.

Anonymous July 29, 2009 at 1:29 PM  

What an open, honest story. thanks for this. I really relate to some of what you say. I split up from my boyfriend just under a year ago and moved back to England from Ireland where I'd been living with him. Most of my stuff was still in storage over in Ireland (packed up by him) and it was only a few weeks ago that I finally had it shipped over. I just wasn't ready up until that point and then one day I knew I had to do it. I had a similar thing to you when I got it back - I hardly wanted to open the boxes, and when I did - maybe you'll relate to this - it was like all the emotion attached to that time came flooding from them and I felt just like I had done in the few days before I'd left. It was like I was back there. I didn't want to touch the stuff, look at it, wear any of the clothes etc. then a friend suggested I do a little ritual with some incense, just cleansing everything of the energy it was carrying from that time, and I have to say, it worked. Getting m y stuff back over was a huge step in closing that door finally, and it had to be an emotional step before it was a physical one. That thread was still hanging and it was like I couldn't quite let go until the day I knew I needed to sort it out.
Your story was beautiful and painful. I'm so sorry this man broke your heart. thank you for your writing xxx

Pinkerbell July 29, 2009 at 1:55 PM  

Wow I can see why you've been made a Blog of Note (did you apply for this or do they have talent scouts?). This is skilfully written, leading us through your thought processes. How wonderful for you that you were able to pick out the positives from your experience. These will have been made all the more meaningful and strong because of the long and difficult process which you went through to distill them from the pain. Things earn their worth by being hard to achieve. Take care and keep cherishing yourself :-)

Rosemildo Sales Furtado July 29, 2009 at 2:22 PM  

Olá amiga! O teu espaço é muito bonito, composto de belas fotos, porém se colocasses um tradutor, ficaria melhor para entender e comentar.

Beijos,

Furtado.

RandomDetails July 29, 2009 at 2:46 PM  

Been there too Kim.
And the worst part for me was exactly what you said... how can someone treat someone so bad that just gave unconditional love, adoration, affection, respect, etc.
Eventually the pain does go away but a part of you will also be guarded.... good luck with everything!

Jay Izzati July 29, 2009 at 3:15 PM  

Your story of heart break and moving on inspired me to write about mine which happened some 3 years ago and which i never felt to write before until i read yours just now.

www.jaynhi.blogspot.com/2009/07/inspired-from-fantastic-blog-of-note.html

i dont write as good as you but i tried to express what was left unexpressed all these years.

thanks to you.

Newly and Forever, Tamantha July 29, 2009 at 3:17 PM  

Beautiful..I had to sigh in agreement at the part about taking the best parts of yourself and doing something positive with the rest! I will be a blog reader from now on, that was so inspiring!

The Karen Chronicles July 29, 2009 at 3:31 PM  

This story is so honest and touching. It makes me realize that no matter how bleak and painstaking things may become, there's always a light at the end of the tunnel to look toward. I appreciate you sharing that with us.

A Fitness Minute with Pat Anderson July 29, 2009 at 3:32 PM  

That which does not kill us will make us stronger. Thanks for sharing your story.

Dawn (dandy) July 29, 2009 at 3:32 PM  

Beautiful writing, just beautiful.

And Congratulations on being Blog of Note!

Cherry July 29, 2009 at 3:47 PM  

We have much in common, including the suitcase. My relationship was 30 years. My suitcase, packed 13 years ago is still in storage. I am in the process of writing the story myself, and it is time to open the old blue Samsonite Silhouette. The experience was traumatic, taking place in Russia. Thankfully your experience did not include marriage, children, and a life turned upside down. You are a gifted writer. Thank you for sharing. Blessings!

It's All Good July 29, 2009 at 3:47 PM  

ugh, been there! Loving your writing, keep it up, and dont let anything or anyone stop you, ya dig?

Anonymous,  July 29, 2009 at 4:25 PM  

I understand. Bravo! You reclaimed yourself! I had to do the same thing after a breakup. It was little things - deciding to listen to music that I had loved but associated with the guy; visiting friends that we had made together that I still liked even without him around... I'm so happy to hear your story of healing.

irthinktank July 29, 2009 at 4:42 PM  

internationalrelationsthink tank
www.irtt.ir

Journie July 29, 2009 at 4:42 PM  

I'm sorry that your experience was so painful - your writing, however is beautiful. You gave yourself what you needed - time to heal, to understand and to go on. Kudos and good luck becoming, again, that confident, beautiful woman.
Journie

~JarieLyn~ July 29, 2009 at 4:44 PM  

Your post brought tears to my eyes. I understand perfectly how betrayal can strip away so much, always wondering to yourself if you made the whole relationship up in your mind. It's hard to climb out of the darkness that it throws you into. Yes, you function, but the joy is gone. At least, that's how I felt at one time. I'm glad you reclaimed your identity and your truth.

Thanks for such a beautiful and inspiring post.

Kim July 29, 2009 at 5:32 PM  

I couldn't stop reading. You bare your soul for all to see in such a poignant way.

Thank you and you are not alone in this. I know too many stories of "evil, lying men", they exist like vampires in the shadows...okay maybe I took that too far...but really, there are way too many bad men out there...

May your heart continue it's healing path and true love come knocking at your door!

Carolyn July 29, 2009 at 5:43 PM  
This comment has been removed by the author.
goodworksinsecret July 29, 2009 at 5:49 PM  

Kim,
I feel bad that this man was
so mean you. The best way to take
the grief away in addition to what
you have already posted about seperating your items from memories
of him, is to remember that Jesus
Christ loves you. He gave up His
life on the cruel cross of calvary
so you can have eternal life in
Heaven with Him (John 3:16). Jesus
can not sin, and He is the friend
that sticks closer than a brother
(II Corinthians 5:21 - Jesus can't
sin; Proverbs 18:24 - He is a friend that sticks closer than a
brother). So as far as having someone to talk to you, you can pray to God, and you will never be
lonely. God will not betray you.
Now as far as finding a husband is
concerned there are some things to
consider. In I Corinthians chapter
7, the Apostle Paul describes two
people: the single person and the
married person. The single person
in verses 32 - 35 of I Corinthians
chapter 7, is able to have more focus on serving God; while the married person is partially distracted by pleasing their mate.
The good news is it is ok to marry
as long as you are able to spend quality time serving God (verse 9
of I Corinthians chapter 7). If you
choose to continue your search for
a good mate, my suggestion would be
to search for a mighty man of valour, a man who is totally devoted to God, one who is honest,
and one who resembles Jesus more
by example than any you have met.
May the Lord bless you and bring you comfort. God bless you!

Anonymous,  July 29, 2009 at 5:49 PM  

I was married and got diagnosed with a sever illness around the same time. while i was sick, my new husband started cheating on me with various women and telling everyone at his work that we were separated and not living together. He would tell me everything I wanted to hear and I had no idea the extent of his betrayal until right before I left. I understand that sense of some one you love living a secret separate life from you and then finding out. How horrible. You should be so proud of yourself that you are getting past it and embracing the good/true parts of that period of your life. I'm still working on that...

Take care and thank you for being brave enough to share your story.

tEaM pLaYa July 29, 2009 at 5:55 PM  

Hi and let me introduce myself first. I am Lynn and I found your blog by chance and am fortunate I did. Your story of the "suitcase" reminds me of something I went thru as well as many others and not just females, but if I had to guess, I'd say this does happen to women more than it does to men. Either way it goes, it's never fun, nor does it go away instantely. However, we as humans and in order to heal, must take the lemons and make sweet lemonade of it because after all experience is what makes us the ppl we are today. I only hope karma doesn't bite down too hard on this "man" only because what he did to you was downright wrong. I almost pity the woman he was living with and wonder why she couldn't pick up on this vibe that he was seeing another. Oh well... this is her issue now and as I see clearly here, you have moved on and seem to be almost free of this devastation.

My best to you and I look forward to blogging here a lot more.
Peace.

Radical July 29, 2009 at 5:57 PM  

This was a beautiful story. I'm glad you made it through it and I think posting this will give other people hope. I hope that sometime I can write something that inspires other people.

Maya July 29, 2009 at 5:59 PM  

Wow. What a beautiful story! I wish I could write like that, with passion.

Benwinner July 29, 2009 at 7:11 PM  

Hi Kim - from the other end of the World.
Definably well written. Echoes of the searching heart looking for love and strengthened by the experience.
The price you paid will continue to make you a better person. Your article shows deep intrapersonel intelligence-the mark of innate talent of a Writer

Skodaman July 29, 2009 at 7:19 PM  

You seem to have tapped into something many can relate to. I'm sure this post will help many.

Anonymous,  July 29, 2009 at 7:30 PM  

Came across your blog from "Blogger" and found your writing about "The Suitcase" to be so true...I'm sure many of the other 134 comments so far were like mine: Why would he lie? How could this happen to me? In the end, I realized (more than 20 years ago in my case) there IS no explanation...no reason why someone so sick does such a thing. There is no sane or rational answer to "WHY?" I am happy for your recovery from this experience, and the self-discovery you made along the way. Well done!

Anonymous,  July 29, 2009 at 7:55 PM  

Check out my site

Journalhighschool. com

Tyler. July 29, 2009 at 9:20 PM  

wow. amazing recollection of your life and the hurt you faced.

Thaís Cavalcante July 29, 2009 at 9:49 PM  
This comment has been removed by the author.
Thaís Cavalcante July 29, 2009 at 9:51 PM  

Wow, just amazing. I saw myself in you. I also experienced a heartbreak. He lives in another city, and I changed all my life because of him. But it was good for me, I have learned many things, I grew up and I'm sure that I'm better than I never had been before.
Congratulations, you're awesome.

just david July 29, 2009 at 10:28 PM  

so glad you let the suitcase go. You survived the process and sounds like your on the healing side.
I celebrate your success with admiration.
I had several of your favorite books,and movies in common. Didn't know your music choices. Steve Wonder is my favorite song writer and singer.
My most favorite book is Let us now praise famous men, by James Agee.
Be sweet to yourself.

Kansas Princess July 30, 2009 at 12:36 AM  

I just read your last few blogs and they are beautifully honest. I just began blogging (today), well I've always written but never let anyone read, somewhat ashamed of my own thoughts. So, to read something so powerfully simple and candid was powerful in itself....look forward to reading more!

Jennifer Brindley July 30, 2009 at 2:10 AM  

So glad I found you on Blogs of Note. What an amazing entry, and a beautiful story. I felt this one, sister.

~Jenn (Ex Hot Girl)
http://www.exhotgirl.blogspot.com

Vodka Logic July 30, 2009 at 5:10 AM  

I shed a tear.

Found you on BON..well done and will be back.
Thanks..
xx

Vegas Gem July 30, 2009 at 6:06 AM  

You are a beautiful and courageous woman who absolutely deserves happiness.

Thank you

TorriDawn July 30, 2009 at 10:19 AM  

Kim...I aspire to write and be able to support myself and my children with it...I was encouraged by your Suitcase story...I love to read of overcoming...of finding strength within we didn't know we had...of sorrow turned to triumph...even though some pain remains, it begins to serve as a reminder that we are FEELING - LOVING - HUMAN instead of those early thoughts that we are foolish, unworthy, blind. Thank you for sharing your heart.

BlackEyedP July 30, 2009 at 11:55 AM  

you were brave to risk yourself then, just as you have risked yourself by posting this here. i admire that quality. keep on risking everything...for without risk, nothing worthwhile can be achieved.

lyndac July 30, 2009 at 12:06 PM  

Beautifully written, I couldn't stop reading, and I have not yet, as I will follow your blog from now on...I have always wanted to write, and I do have a story to tell, but know not where to begin, or the actual education to do it properly..you have inspired me to try, at least. If only I could express in the way you have. When will we get a book from you?

C. July 30, 2009 at 12:40 PM  

What a wonderful piece of your soul put to writing. I, too, have felt that sting of betrayal. It is so sharp.

But what really touches me is your statement "[s]o the way I felt because of those things- beautiful, worthy, confident--had to be true, too. The only part of the equation that was false was him." I only wish I had read this a year ago. It makes perfect sense to me now. I am ok-it is him that defective. For this insight, I thank you.

You certainly deserve recognition for BoN.

Jean July 30, 2009 at 12:41 PM  

First let me say that I am truly sorry for your loss. I would liken it to the death of a dear loved one.
I lost my husband of over 23yrs. when I was 40. I thought my life was over, but I did heal as will you. You have made a good start by writing about it and you will learn to love and trust again. Thank God you saw his true colors before it went even further. God Bless You!

Ink July 30, 2009 at 12:56 PM  

A beautiful article. So moving and very personal. I love it.

Foreverdreaming July 30, 2009 at 12:59 PM  

I appreicate what you wrote here. I broke up with my fiancee nearly two years ago... he cheated on me and lied about countless things. I trusted him and loved him and I never thought this could happen to me. To this day, I still feel loss... anger, sadness, hurt (especially since he went on to get married barely a year after we broke up). It hurts, and yet it is hard to admit that because it seems that it is not socially acceptable to feel this way after so long. But I have realized that there is no recipe, no magical handbook that spells out how the art of healing. It is different for everyone and we should not be ashamed of that. I thank you for sharing your story.

enigmily July 30, 2009 at 12:59 PM  

Wow... I had a very similar situation... fell in love over 2 years with someone who lived 700 miles away, then just after I moved from Nebraska to Indiana to be with him, I discovered he was married with children, and was a preacher, and had been lying to me the whole time. I was in a new state completely alone, just me and 3 kids, and I had used all my savings to move, so i couldn't even go home. I've tried to write about it, but what you wrote came out better than anything I've managed to pen. Thanks for sharing your story, and no, you are definitely not alone. It took me 3 years to finally throw away all the things that held memories of him, but I finally did it. I still sometimes still want an answer to the "Why?" part. I won't ever have one, but I still wish I knew.

Kana July 30, 2009 at 1:07 PM  

I couldn't quit reading your post... i'm so happy for you that you were able to let go of the suitcase and reclaim the things in it. It takes a lot of courage!

Anonymous,  July 30, 2009 at 1:31 PM  

wow, that's super deep. its sounds like something from a story. u r a really good writer.

jennyappleseed July 30, 2009 at 1:52 PM  

The man who left me a little over a year ago just married the woman he left me for. All the while he was still contacting me and he never let me know he was engaged. When I found out he was married and called him to talk to him, he was cruel and dismissive and told me our relationship had been "no big deal".

I'm so sorry this happened to you. I'm thrilled you are writing out your pain and doing it so well. Keep going.

the girl in the skinny jeans July 30, 2009 at 4:48 PM  

Wow.. That was extreme! Im 16, i have a blog called The girl in skinny jeans/poems,and life stories. It would mean so much if you would follow me on there i just made it so i dont know much on how to get people to follow.I want to be a wrighter like in a magazine.. so any tips would be great! ♥The girl in skinny jeans♥

Art July 30, 2009 at 11:56 PM  

Excellent story. Thank you for sharing. I have gained from reading this. You are a writer, and a very good one. Please keep up the good work.

Anonymous,  July 31, 2009 at 9:46 AM  

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Megan July 31, 2009 at 11:57 AM  

I know how you feel, to some extent, feeling like you should have seen the signs, not knowing how you could have been so mislead about a person. I married young, impulsively. I truly think I was in love but now I believe it may have only been hormones and youth. 5 years later he comes home from a weekend at a friend's wedding and discloses to me that he prefers men and cheated on me that weekend with a guy. I did not see signs. I was totally blown away. His friends aparently knew about this preference but failed to think that it would be important to tell me. I felt like a fool, sometimes I still do. We very quickly divorced and I have spent the past 4 years trying to gather the pieces of my life, emotionally as well as creating a new direction for myself. I still do not trust my first impressions of people because I learned I can be so wrong. I depend on the feedback of friends and family if I ever have the fortunate opportunity to date again, because as you've experienced, some people are not as they seem. I love your blog, and also the one about Bear. Be strong! Eat crepes!

Megan July 31, 2009 at 11:57 AM  

I know how you feel, to some extent, feeling like you should have seen the signs, not knowing how you could have been so mislead about a person. I married young, impulsively. I truly think I was in love but now I believe it may have only been hormones and youth. 5 years later he comes home from a weekend at a friend's wedding and discloses to me that he prefers men and cheated on me that weekend with a guy. I did not see signs. I was totally blown away. His friends aparently knew about this preference but failed to think that it would be important to tell me. I felt like a fool, sometimes I still do. We very quickly divorced and I have spent the past 4 years trying to gather the pieces of my life, emotionally as well as creating a new direction for myself. I still do not trust my first impressions of people because I learned I can be so wrong. I depend on the feedback of friends and family if I ever have the fortunate opportunity to date again, because as you've experienced, some people are not as they seem. I love your blog, and also the one about Bear. Be strong! Eat crepes!

Kevin Demarest July 31, 2009 at 2:02 PM  

It sounds like you were involved with a sex/lust addict. Trying to get their next fix, they lie, cheat, etc. Sex and lust can be a terrible addiction, the sad thing about it is nobody really talks about it, and it becomes difficult to pinpoint when you're an addict and when you're not.

I think with narcotics like crack and cocaine it becomes pretty easy to tell when you're an addict...the general consensus being if you do it at all then you're an addict :). Sex and lust are different though, because a certain amount of it is supposed to be "healthy", though the compounding factors (STDs in particular) do make me wonder how healthy sex REALLY is. Pornography, masturbation, multiple sex partners, and most importantly, acting without any consideration for the feelings of others I think are strong signs.

So what do you think, sex addict or not?

Joanne Cook July 31, 2009 at 2:31 PM  

Your story had a profound impact on me. I have been beating myself up over a relationship with a man who lied to others about me and who I am. Some people I thought were my friends have believed him as have others who really don't know me. I feel embarrassed, but know I shouldn't. I'm wondering how long it will take me to get past this. Part of me wants to crawl into a hole in the ground while another part wants to say they can all go to hell and I will get on with my life. I'm sure the answer is somewhere in the middle. So I continue the journey....it is always about the journey, it is never about the destination. Thank you for your story.

Wendy July 31, 2009 at 3:55 PM  

Wow, beautiful and touching. I'm sorry it happened to you but happy that you've come through the other side so poetically.

TarahLeigh July 31, 2009 at 4:28 PM  

I know completely what you mean about the suitcase itself. I was engaged to my best friend of 5 years, and found out 6 months in that he had been dating a girl since 2 weeks after he proposed. I locked the ring away in a dark storage room and refused to look at it for three years. Three months ago, I met a young man wanting to propose to the love of his life, who didn't speak a word of English when they met, but fell in love despite the langauge barrier. In exchange for his help moving me into my own house, an independent woman, I gave him the dreaded ring, and told him to take it and make her the happiest wife she could be. This gave me closure beyond any dear john letter ever could

MissD July 31, 2009 at 6:18 PM  

I don't know how I stumbled upon your blog but Im glad I did. This piece was beautiful and insightful and made complete sense to me. I believe we all have or will go through an aching heartbreak or two that will cause us to understand this passage. Thank you for sharing :)

Leona July 31, 2009 at 7:44 PM  

I happened to see your blog in the Blogs of Note, and I'm seriously glad I did. This post is beyond words.. wonderful.

Just wonderful.

Congratulations on reclaiming your life from its broken-ness :)

Chef E July 31, 2009 at 7:51 PM  

I kind of feel like my comment might be lost in the already ocean of support I see on here, but I know someone that has gone through this, and it has been a year as well. She has not let go of it, and I wish I could help her in some way. I think men, and woman are guilty of doing this for some strange reason there is no excitement in their own lives, and they go out and find it in others, and totally turn off their conscious, no guilt what so ever, and if they are caught they choose the one they were with in the beginning, because they will forgive them and blame you. Okay I can go on, and share parallels also with my daughter passing and going into pulling out reminders, and me having a hard time letting go, but I loved reading this, although it means I discovered someone else out there is hurting, and I want to share hugs!

TheGreenFairy August 1, 2009 at 12:37 AM  

Sometimes moving on can be the hardest thing on planet earth.
Putting all of your eggs in one basket and then having them shattered on the floor is a sad story that unfortunately most of us fall victim too.
Seek truth, and always be brave.

Anonymous,  August 1, 2009 at 2:50 AM  

what a stupid man, good on you (:

radha August 1, 2009 at 4:06 AM  

What a postive outlook to life and so well written. You must indeed follow your dreams of becoming a writer. You have all what it takes.

Shiva Nandan August 1, 2009 at 9:45 AM  

very touchy...and motivating

Paul August 1, 2009 at 11:18 AM  
This comment has been removed by the author.
TT August 1, 2009 at 12:07 PM  

We are no longer used to kindness since we started living like rats in cities, bunched up upon the other, in traffic all the time.

J. August 1, 2009 at 3:58 PM  

Congrats on your blog of note...it's wonderful! My first thought when I read this entry was how the human species really is the most cruel of all, then I thought, everything beautiful is tinged with a bit of sadness...you must be gorgeous. You've taken the steps to healing.

Kumiko Mae August 1, 2009 at 5:36 PM  

I couldn't stop reading your blog. I couldn't stop feeling like you're stealing the exact words I wish to say as I was blasted to the past thanks to your blog. I feel like I'm still among those people who are still haunted by a suitcase of a love lost at war. I feel for you and I commend you for having the courage to tell the story, your story, the way you did. I'm happy for you, for opening and releasing that ghost. You're wonderful, don't let your ghosts scare you. Isn't it that they say they're always around us. It's our chose if we'd let them scare the hell out of us.

Arual August 1, 2009 at 7:17 PM  

Fate had me stumble upon this blog to read this post. I needed it. Thanks.

Jo August 1, 2009 at 9:28 PM  

wow so many comments

Jo August 1, 2009 at 9:28 PM  

wow so many comments

Jo August 1, 2009 at 9:28 PM  

wow so many comments

The Healthy Plan August 1, 2009 at 11:18 PM  

Kim-

Thank you for your honesty. In your words you allow us to relate so simply that I feel I know you. I hope to be as honest in my new endevors with blogging.



Mike

The Healthy Plan August 1, 2009 at 11:18 PM  

Kim-

Thank you for your honesty. In your words you allow us to relate so simply that I feel I know you. I hope to be as honest in my new endevors with blogging.



Mike

Netty904 August 2, 2009 at 12:56 AM  

That was beautiful and inspirational. Thanks for sharing.

Neda August 2, 2009 at 2:44 AM  

Wow, your break up story is truly inspiring. But you are right, most girls (and guys) have had their share of heartbreaks. As I have as well. I'm glad you were able to pull through and come out so strongly. Trust me, I have felt the lowest of the low as well due to some undeserving and poor excuse of a human being. But I pulled through as well and I'm sure as hell glad I did because I can SEE now :o)

Anonymous,  August 2, 2009 at 10:48 AM  

He wasn't a writer by any chance ?

Yvonne August 2, 2009 at 10:50 AM  

omg i am soo impressed . in a way,your story remind me so much of my story. it's so unreasonable to us why men act like that sometimes,and why they do us something like that. it's good to let it go,by writing it. i guess i'll never be as brave as you as. but still,who knows . kissises from Romania

V I E August 2, 2009 at 1:01 PM  

Hi...I randomly click your blog in the blog of notes after I publish my post...
Well your story kinda same with me...
the guy I dated is a married man a have a kid..huh..what a life....

MeanDonnaJean August 2, 2009 at 2:32 PM  

If there's one thing I've learned about men, its this: if it seems to good to be true, it probably IS.

As a matter of fact, scratch that word "probably".

It just IS.

Sorry to hear ya hadda learn that the hard way, but like "they" say.....experience is the best teacher (exactly who the hell ARE "they", anyway?).

Next time, just go out 'n get yerself a pet. At least THEY won't lie/cheat/steal/backtalk/use ya/take ya for all yer $$$$$/drink/drug/smoke/abuse ya/etc. etc. etc.

D.M. Solis August 2, 2009 at 5:00 PM  

Well written. What a wonderful thing you did, taking the opportunity to turn this experience "for good," by sharing the heartbreak and the healing with others. Thank you for your vulnerability and candor. Peace and continued good things for you, Dear One.

D.M. Solis (Author)

amzngrace August 2, 2009 at 9:18 PM  

I am a woman starting over. And your blog touched my heart. I'm in the process of finding closure, picking up the pieces shattered by deception and all the while staying strong for my children. Thank you for reminding me that it will get better.

Anonymous,  August 3, 2009 at 11:44 AM  

Kim,

What a touching story. I feel you are now a stronger and wiser woman.

You blog is so easy to read, you definately have a talent for writing.

Anon

lola August 4, 2009 at 7:25 PM  

You truly have a talent for writing. I can identify with this, and I can see many other people do, too. That's when you know yopu're a good writer. When other people can identify with what you're saying. When you inspire others. What's the use of doing anything if you aren't helping anyone, inspiring anyone, uplifting anyone? You are an amazing writer and I hope you never have to go through such pain and betrayal again.

Joi August 5, 2009 at 3:10 PM  

I think I may have avoided something similar happening to me. Your line, "All of the things I felt--love, excitement,happiness--were all true and real", really struck me. My feelings are valid its even if the other person doesn't honor or care about them. I'm so glad I found your blog!!!

Anonymous August 5, 2009 at 10:26 PM  

WOW I really enjoyed reading that! I can totally relate to what has happened to you!

gibson133 August 5, 2009 at 10:27 PM  

Very good stuff! I think everyone can relate to that one way or another!

Svetlana August 6, 2009 at 1:32 AM  

Kim,


How has this experience changed you? Did it make you less trusting in a relationship? How are you trying to prevent similar heart ache in the future?

My sister is going through a divorce with a person who turned out to be completely different from who she thought she was married to for 17 years!!! They also have 2 young children together. My sister and I talked a lot lately about what signs there were during that marriage that her husband was not exactly who she imagined him to be. And there were signs! But she was willing to ignore them because she loved him too much. She is really going to be OK, but she is wiser for the experience and knows what signs to be on guard against in her next significant other.

I just hope this scar is not going to pevent you from trusting and loving again. There are wonderful guys out there!

Paws August 6, 2009 at 5:47 AM  

Your writing was truly amazing, I got captured in it for sure! I just couldn't let go and then in the end, it was refreshing. This new beginning. A new start. Good job!

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