"There's a bit of magic in everything, and some loss to even things out." -Lou Reed

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Plans


Life is a little more hectic than usual these days. I stare at the ring on my finger, still so new to me—the ring and the idea of it. At the age of 40, starting this journey with someone who has also never been married, is almost strange—but beautiful at the same time.

Both of us have had heartbreak in our past, and both of us doubted this ever would happen. So every step is a little sweeter because we waited so long. For me, it was a more painful journey than I would have wished for, but this happy ending is making up for a lot of old wounds.

Years and years have passed since I wore one of many bridesmaids dresses for friend’s weddings. Those were the years when everyone I knew was getting married, and I wanted so badly to follow in their footsteps. I felt like an outsider, like there was something wrong with me that I wasn’t planning my future with someone at the age of 22. I can remember vividly the bittersweet moments at friend’s weddings—so happy for them—so moved by their commitment and joy—but on the car ride home, a sadness would hit me wondering if I would ever find that kind of love.

Over the past few weeks, I have started planning our wedding. We have found a church, made our wedding list, looked at cakes and invitations. I bought my wedding dress last week and picked out the bridesmaid dresses with my maid of honor. When I first started planning, it felt awkward to think about trying on dresses, asking friends to be bridesmaids. At this age, women might be planning a second wedding, not a first. I wondered if I would stand in the dressing room at the wedding shop, surrounded by twenty-somethings, and just feel old and out of place.

But I didn’t.

I felt incredibly happy, lucky, excited, and in love. All the things a bride-to-be should feel. And I was surrounded by twenty-somethings. Looking around, I felt I might have something they didn’t—a little wisdom—and an even a deeper appreciation for the blessings I have. For the hope of it all—the days to come—and the knowledge that years and years of loss and disappointment can lead you to your very own happy ending. Nothing you could have foreseen or planned, nothing anyone else could have predicted.

I am enjoying all this planning—the chaos, the creativity, and even the stress. And I am careful not to take one moment for granted. Both of us remind ourselves how lucky we are all the time—and how worth the wait all of this was.

I have an absolutely beautiful ring on my finger. I catch myself staring at it often. And as cliché as it may sound, it is even more beautiful because of what it stands for—what it means—what I waited and hoped for. I honestly had given up on all of this ever happening for me.

And finally, it has…all at the ripe old age of 40.

20 comments:

Tara July 20, 2010 at 11:54 PM  

I am so happy for you Kim! :)

I have followed your blog for over a year now and lay witness to your emotional transformation. How blessed I feel ...

Thank you and keep sharing these precious moments with us as they catch you by surprise. ❤❤❤

Eva Gallant July 21, 2010 at 12:20 AM  

How wonderful for you! I'm glad you found your love...at that ripe old age if 40....40 is the new 30, you know!

Paula... July 21, 2010 at 2:33 AM  

What an absolutely gorgeous ring Kim! I know I've said it before, but I'm so happy for you with all that you've endured to get to this wonderful place in your life :)

msprimadonna67 July 21, 2010 at 3:17 AM  

How wonderful and amazing and fantastic--I wish you so much joy on your journey together. And yes, your ring is quite beautiful!

Rich July 21, 2010 at 3:26 AM  

Congratulations! Nice ring! Many happy and fun filled years of unabated bliss await you! :D

jen July 21, 2010 at 5:57 AM  

Congratulations!
Everything happens in "His time".Others may think its late to get married at age of 40 but its not on the age its the LOVE that you have for each other. You waited for so many years until you found the one...and its really worth waiting..
Congrats! I will wait your wedding post :)

Meg July 21, 2010 at 8:55 AM  

This post moved me to tears. It gives me hope that one can live a full life without that obligatory "better half" and survive heartbreak and then come out victorious, happy and in-love in the end. Congratulations.

xoMeg

CityGirl July 21, 2010 at 11:09 AM  

tears of joy....you deserve this. love love love reading about your happiness. :)

Sinead July 21, 2010 at 1:30 PM  

so happy for you and your Prince Charming. the best things in life are worth waiting for! Hugs to you both, Sinead

Pat July 21, 2010 at 7:59 PM  

I am so, so happy for you! I know the pain of which you speak for I have been following you for a year AND I have experienced it myself. But every life has to have a little rain in it to enjoy the flowers. Also, I feel that you appreciate things so much more after you experience hardship. Good luck to you in your future marriage. You deserve all the happiness in the world!

Mona July 21, 2010 at 10:45 PM  

Teared up reading your post...I am so happy for you and ofcourse for Shea..I've never seen him so happy.i will be so proud to call you My Daughter-N-Law....Love you, MJ

Cheri Pryor July 22, 2010 at 12:27 AM  

Congratulations. It goes without saying you absolutely deserve this happiness. *kiss*

California Girl July 23, 2010 at 7:30 AM  

Wow! Congratulations and best wishes for the wedding you've dreamed about. Your ring is lovely. How fun to be getting married for the first time @ 40 and to do it in style. I look forward to more installments and photos of your decisions.

Shelley Trbuhovich July 23, 2010 at 9:31 AM  

this is a really beautiful post. i love your writing, i love your honesty, i always love to hear your point of view. thank you, again, for sharing your life with us. your wedding will be such a celebration of so many things - congratulations. x

Suryatapa July 31, 2010 at 10:08 PM  

Congratulations....!!! Can feel the happiness you are cherishing now in your writing..!! Good wishes..and may life always be like this..:)

Super Single Mom August 3, 2010 at 7:53 PM  

OMG there is still hope for me.. I turn 40 in a few months and my gosh where are all the good cute men?? LOL
Crystal

leo August 8, 2010 at 6:21 AM  

Congratulations!!! Havent you heard? 40 is the new 30 even twenty, who cares! As long as you find your happiness and true love, time (or in this case age) does not matter. Enjoy your planning.

Ruby August 12, 2010 at 3:48 PM  

I'm happy for you, too!!
It's a beautiful ring...i want it, too :)

Jewels August 22, 2010 at 11:46 AM  

Congratulations! I was so moved by this blog entry. I am having a tough time with turning 30 and being single. I have been a bridesmaid in many a friends wedding (with yet another coming up in October). I have watched them meet, marry, and have children all the while feeling very much on the outskirts.
I have never had an incredible desire to marry (probably an idea that I created to protect myself from the fear that I never would)...but still this blog gives me hope that you never know what life holds for you. I like to think I'm open to whatever that might be...thanks for the light at the end of the tunnel.
Good luck and many blessings on this next part of your journey.

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